10 – Tons of pointless landscape pictures.

So this time it wasn’t me.  I have learned my lesson, but obviously Luke hasn’t.  At every opportunity it is another picture of a tree, or a fountain, or a statue in the hotel …. he even took a picture of desert….seriously, you would have thought he was working for National Geographic. And now we all have to be subjected to having them posted on facebook.  It was bad enough to witness the event, but now I have to receive hundreds of notifications that Luke has posted these “beautiful” landscape photos that no one wants to spend the time going through and we won’t do it twice for sure.  Next time put a person in the picture we have enough screen savers and backgrounds.

9 -Penguin’s in Hawaii.

Yes there were penguin’s at our hotel in a little fountain area equipped with a turtle and a chunk of ice.  If you were a penguin wouldn’t you choose Hawaii over Antarctica?  I would.

8 – Heather’s face when someone else had more cleavage in the group.

As some of you are aware Heather has been ranked at the top of the cleavage list for some time as we do not go out of the house without the girls being on display.  I have to say I was very surprised to see Heather completely covered on our trip to the Luau, but she was very fast to point out that Shannon was showing more cleavage.  Fear not as Heather worked for the next 5 days to regain her crown. Hail to the queen!!!!

7 – Wearing flowers in your hair.

Just like everyone else myself, Shannon, and Heather wore flowers in our hair from the beginning of the trip.  In fact we loved it so much that we wore them out and about in Rochester last Friday night….so any of you that stumbled through Billy Mac’s or happen to go see a movie at Chateau might have seen us with our flowers.  Just so everyone knows as we were told many times in Hawaii…

Flower over the right ear = available

Flower over the left ear = taken or spoken for

Flower in the middle = desperate

Flower over both ears = taken, but open to the next opportunity.

6 – Trying lobster for the first time ever.

First, let me say it sucked.  I am not quite sure how people eat that stuff.  Of course Dave and I have no idea how to crack the shell or eat the stuff so we try to watch other tables as they are served without obviously staring.  Finally we break down and ask the waiter and this probably sealed lobster’s fate for me….he said just crack and it is okay to eat the green stuff. Seriously, when would I ever want to crack open an animal and eat its green stuff.  YUCK!!!!

5 – Expert driving and navigation skills as illustrated by Luke and Heather.

So we rented a car a few days into the trip to do some site seeing, check out the North Shore, and try to find Dog the Bounty Hunter.  Luke had decided to drive (because no one in the Helmer crew wanted to) and Heather was providing navigation from the maps on the iPhone.  Let’s say that the day ended better than it started.  We spent 30 minutes and 5 trips in a circle around the resort trying to make a right turn onto the same street.  Felt like I was part of National Lapoon’s Big Hawaiian Vacation … “Look kids Big Ben” (for those that have seen European Vacation). Not sure if it was Luke’s lack of direction or Heather’s expert navigation, but driving in circles got us no where.  LOL.

4 – Determining if people were skinny dipping or taking a bath?

While we were walking along the beach  back from Senior Frogs we saw some people in the ocean.  It was really late and you do see some homeless people along this strip of beach after the tourists clear out at night.  So at first everyone thinks these are homeless people taking a bath in the ocean.  Have no idea why Dave would come to that conclusion, but so be it.  After getting closer and seeing more than we expected we realized that they were drunk skinny dippers.  Brings a new meaning to “Hang Loose”.

3 – Sunburn Stories.

In a previous issue of Christy’s Chronicles I told the story of Dave’s sunburn, but what I haven’t shared is Shannon’s sunburn story.  Shannon decides she wants to take surfing lessons so we agree and she lathers up with sunscreen, puts on a surf shirt, one piece bathing suit, and asks Dave to get the back of her legs.  In hind sight this was not such a good idea as Dave is not the most skilled sunscreen applier.  After two hours in the ocean laying on her tummy on a surf board Shannon comes bouncing out of the water having had a great time surfing.  After a shower she started to wonder why her butt is hurting….needless to say it was obvious that her bathing suit had a completely different cut in the butt than the others.  After many hours of painfully setting on plane to get back home, let’s just say Shannon wasn’t very happy.

2 – New Nicknames.

So we have some new nicknames for those in the group.  Because of #3 on this list Shannon is now known as hot buns.  The other two require a little more of a story.

Again back to Dave’s sunburn story, what happens almost everytime you have a bad burn?  You peel.  Dave was no different, but it was horrible.  He honestly looked like he was shedding his complete body of skin.  So on the way back he would stand in a place and shake his shirt and piles of skin would fall to the ground.  He did this in the hotel room, in Honolulu airport, on the planes, Denver airport…absolutely everywehere.  So now that Dave has left his DNA in so many places we have  named him Double Helix.

For a story you haven’t heard about, this is Heather’s story.  So we drive to the North Shore knowing that it is known for great waves and strong currents.  Just for those that are unsure they are very good about posting warning signs that say “Beware of strong current at shore line”.  So we decide to stop by one of the areas in the Bonsai Pipeline and see what this is all about.  Of course Heather being the expert she is finds no use in warning signs and goes fearlessly to the shore trying to hold onto her strapless bikini top and the bandanna covering her head.  Well she discovered very quickly the definition of strong current….after repeated waves crashing over her, sucking her in, and covering her from head to foot Luke pulled her out to safety. (This is only funny now because she is okay at the time it happened it was scary) Needless to say that she had handfuls of sand in places there should never be sand.  So now we all know what is stuck up her butt….its sand…and some day we hope she makes a pearl.  Heather’s new nickname, Pearl.

1 – Getting a break from the day to day and having a great vacation with my family and some close friends.

Hawaii was beautiful and the very laid back atmosphere of the people has rubbed off on me.  Can I please go back tomorrow?

Related posts:

1. Christy’s Chronicles – First Edition – Introduction
2. Christy’s Chronicles – Sunburns

So our family vacationed in Mexico several years ago. Although Dave is somewhat of a “wimp” when it comes to pain he refuses to wear sunscreen.  So on the very first day in Mexico he comes out claiming that he doesn’t need sunscreen because he is dark complected and would just tan.  Needless to say after a few games of bocce ball on the beach we have progressed to lobster status.  For the next five days of our vacation he is roaming the resort hiding from the sun and spending his days having quality time with the bartender at the bar.  After those days of pain and the many years that followed of us making fun of his whining, complaining, and crying I would have expected that he would have been eager to apply sunscreen when we made it to Hawaii.

Well, I was wrong (yes I do admit when I am although I don’t like being wrong). Yesterday we are here in paradise ready to jump into the ocean and enjoy.  Shannon and I being fair skinned beasts lather on the sunscreen willingly.  Dave on the other hand protested and after much debate hastily put it only on his arms.  After lots of fun in the sun guess what…..yes he is yet again our lobster.  Maybe we can start claiming him as the family pet and gain cheaper traveling costs?  So today Dave is enjoying some time in front of the TV watching NFL pre-season admiring the view of the ocean from the room, but not without complaint that he can’t move as every part of him is burnt even the tops of his feet. In fact as I am writing this he is squealing like a girl because Shannon touched his back too hard while putting on aloe.

So, I ask all you wives out there…how long does it take for men to listen to the advise of a woman?  For you husbands, including Dave, how many times do you have to get “burnt” before you stop playing with fire?  Seriously, it just seems that after one wasted vacation (although Dave sees it differently) that this one would be different, but I guess it stands true that you can’t teach an old dog new tricks….even when the trick hurts like hell.

Next vacation….dump of a hotel with cable TV in the middle of nowhere for Dave and tropical island for the girls.

Greetings from paradise.  Aloha!!!!!

Related posts:

1. Christy’s Chronicles – First Edition – Introduction
2. Christy’s Chronicles – Hawaii Vacation Top 10

For those of you that don’t know me well I am a pretty logic person and pride myself in being an independent woman that can take care of herself.  I happen to be married to a very emotional thinking, fairly high maintenance guy which always brings both frustration and humor into our lives.  Our wonderful, teenage daughter is a mix of both of us with a slight edge that she gets from me and a capital A attitude that comes with the age (but that is the topic of future blogs). The combination makes for the making of a sitcom on a good day and a war on a bad one.

One last comment….those that know me are already well aware, I am a straight shooter. So, be honest with your comments have fun with it, but remember to be respectful.  Although we drive each other nuts I love my family and only ask that you see this for what it is…just fun and not hurtful.

Christy

Related posts:

1. Christy’s Chronicles – Sunburns
2. Christy’s Chronicles – Hawaii Vacation Top 10